"We're really just the same as everyone else. The only difference between us and everyone else is that we're smarter, and stronger. Except for Peter Fong."

Renowned for a propensity to have fun and deliver incredible intensity on the water, the MOFOs have quickly risen to fame and notoriety since the team's inception in 2002.

It is widely rumored that the Mofos dragon boat team is home to both the most beautiful women to take part in the sport and the ugliest of men. This pairing of beauty and beast is but one facet of the Mofo enigma.

Even more perplexing is the Mofo training methodology. With zero winter training and a mere 20-some hours of paddling per year how do these men and women attain the level of success they have? The key is to focus solely on bench press. Incline, decline, dumbells and barbells must all be leveraged to obtain superior benching prowess. All other training may safely be ignored. We do however recommend 20 hours of practicing inside the dragon boat, but this time should be used mainly to discuss your plans for the weekend. You may need to raise your voice to be heard over the coach.

Part of the reason for the Mofo's awesome reputation comes from our volunteer work throughout the community. The real reason we are adored however is due to the many favors we perform for other dragon boat teams. Whenever another team paddles past us we make sure they stay cool despite the blazing sun by scooping plenty of lake Ontario water from our paddles and on to their hot, dry faces. We also encourage them by chanting "you're number 1" with our middle fingers proudly raised in support of our comrades.

It should be noted that the Mofos are advocates of fair play. We have firmly established a system of affirmative action whereby one white female must be on the team at all times (unless an exception is made to accomodate a really hot Asian chick).

Dragon boat makes for a fun side project for the Mofos to get away from their major task at hand. That is the wonderful business of fashion! Mofo fashion mogul Monsieur A. Moore had this to say on his invention of the official mens uniform, "When it's time to race my shirt comes off. It just always happens that way". Indeed the fastest way to the Mofo camp is to follow the trail of discarded (and some would say foul) shirts.

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